Pickle Juice or Coca Cola? Teak part deux

If you ask Google, there are millions of ways to clean your teak.  If you ask, what’s so special about the properties of teak, it’ll tell you "Teak is naturally water-resistant and physically very strong and durable. It is not prone to significant expansion or contraction with humidity changes. The oils in teak are what make it weather-resistant and it requires basically no care when left outside."  This of course, is a lie-- if you want your teak to look a certain way.   As with most questions, I find that the answers to teak care tend to be ‘it depends’.  Luckily, we can guide you in directions.
*Disclaimer, we’re talking about real teak here, Tectona grandis, not the popsicle stick stuff.
So, getting down to it.  First things first would be an assessment.  We already know the teak is gray and probably old.  If it wasn’t, you likely wouldn’t be reading this.  How old though, makes a difference; some people say you should expect 20 to 40 years or more out of the life of a real teak deck.  Everyone agrees, teak that hasn’t been maintained, will die young, or be in serious need of repair.  Just how much repair?  Well, ask yourself a few questions.  Is the caulking (black stuff in lines between the wood) ‘standing proud’? Cut it down, or replace it.   Are the panels dished?  Ready the Dremel and belt sander, or hire someone who knows what they’re doing.  Maybe the teak is just gray, and it would be nice to give it a scrub and bring it back to a nice brown color, or even, dare I say (the highly coveted) ‘honey’ color?  You may think pressure washer, but you’d be wrong.  It’s starting to sound like work now. 
If you spend too much time on YouTube, you’ll find yourself bouncing around between an ancient sailor, down on hands and knees scrubbing the deck of his sailboat with a stiff bristled brush and a bucket of salt water uttering the phrase ‘across the grain’ till it hurts, to a teenage deckhand in the Mediterranean on a superyacht, scouring powdered dish detergent or into the teak with a 3M doodlebug, to some guy in Florida who swears by scrubbing his teak swim step with Coca-Cola.  Seriously, it’s like, pick whatever channel you want, you’ll find variations on a lot of themes, but I assure you, some of the ideas out there get pretty wild.
If you ask the boat makers, the shipwrights, the shapers and mounters, the installers of the elephant harvested teak from Myanmar, they will give you a list of rules about what to do and what not to do and it will typically look something like this.
1)accept the fact that the wood will become gray, or don’t and see what happens (you’ll probably be just fine)
2)do, always scrub gently with a soft or medium/soft brush across the grain (don’t use stiff bristle brushes, don’t scrub with the grain)
3)increase intensity of cleaning product strength from regular boat soap to white vinegar and water to a small amount of bleach or ‘mildew remover’ and water to oxalic acid, Bon Ami powder, powders of all types, some say various detergents, then we enter the realm of two step acid washes, a realm where some dare never venture- but if you’re after that honey color it’s really your only option, that, or sanding
Ask yourself, how do you like your grain?  I’ve noticed the grain effect on super yachts (given the doodlebug treatment) I would describe as ‘smashed, but pleasant underfoot’.  I once knew a guy who liked to use pickle juice on his teak, he said the smell helped keep the birds away.  One thing that really degrades a deck (other than obviously scrubbing it too hard or using a pressure washer) is marine fungi.  Yeah, you heard me, fungi.  Mold, mildew, lichen, even mosses (especially here in the Pacific Northwest)-- its all part of the re-composition, where in, nature turns your teak deck back into soil.  Fungal communities feed on algae that quickly establish onboard your vessel and yes, there are plenty of hydrocarbon loving fungi out there too, who love even the diesel in your boat engine.  Those ones are the sludge makers, also known as Hormoconis resinae.  If you’re not paying attention, the fungi will absolutely move in, birds poop it in on the wind, maybe.  It’s just out there, man.  Don’t feel weird about it though, there’s even molds mildew and fungi that live on the International Space Station. Completely anerobic and even salty environments are a non-issue for many fungi and also rusts (queue blog foreshadow).  This is something not many talk about when we’re talking about teak, I know.  But, to put it bluntly-- you do have to ‘keep it clean’ if you want it to last-- what this translates into is quite simply, regular maintenance washes. 
Whether its boat soap, vinegar, bleach, what have you, keeping your teak clean is the key to longevity.  Once the fungi has moved in, and if bleach (mildew remover) isn’t cutting it, then you may have to decide which acid treatment is right for you, or get to sanding.  Pretty much every commercial teak cleaner doesn’t pass the EPA smell test for discharge into any waterway, and although some work very well, in essence it’s a chemical sanding.  The real key is, once you’ve got it clean, keep it clean.  Need a sand?  We can’t help there, but we can help keep it clean, and this should always be the ultimate goal for maintaining your teak.  Leaving nutty pickle juice guy behind, we’ll venture into the realm of “to seal or not to seal” on our next analysis paralysis session of this teak deep dive.  We’re going to be talk oiling, staining, painting, maybe dip a toe in popsicle stick flooring and all things imitation teak.